Celebrities with No Talent

The dictionary definition of “celebrity” is a person who is easily recognized in society. Usually someone is a celebrity because of something she or he has done. They may receive attention for talent, lack of talent, for doing something heinous, for marrying someone rich, or even for dying young. Some celebrities, however, leave us scratching our heads and wondering, just why is this person popular?

David Hasselhoff

David Hasselhoff got his start in the 1970s on the popular daytime drama, “The Young and the Restless,” playing Dr. Snapper Foster. Even though his acting chops didn’t set the world on fire at the time, Hasselhoff went on to play Michael Knight on the 1980s program “Knight Rider,” and Mitch Buchannon in “Baywatch.” In addition to “wowing” the viewing public, Hasselhoff also became a singing sensation… mostly in Europe, which is strange as I always thought Europeans had more taste than that. Two of his songs went to number one in Germany. Hasselhoff’s lack of talent was recently solidified as he was the subject of a Comedy Central Roast… that’s when you know you’ve really hit rock bottom, when celebrities who are worse no-names than you are making jokes to an international television audience about your lack of talent!

Paris Hilton

She’s famous for being rich.. what bigger waste of space could there possibly be than Paris Hilton? When you look up the word “overrated” in the dictionary, Hilton’s photo practically leaps off the page as a prime example. Give the girl some credit, she has attempted to have a few “real” careers, like modeling (at which she wasn’t half bad), singing (to the dismay of dogs everywhere who started howling as soon as the first notes of “Stars are Blind” were played – what an appropriate title for a Paris Hilton song, by the way), and acting (at which she was truly horrible).

Taylor Hicks

“And the new American Idol is…. Taylor Hicks!” These eight words put fear in the hearts of music lovers everywhere in 2006, when Hicks won the fifth season of the reality television show. Granted, the talent wasn’t very competitive that year, with Kat McPhee as a runner-up, but many feel that Chris Daughtry, who came in fourth place that year, should have been the clear winner. Hicks certainly hasn’t wowed the public since 2006, only releasing two albums – thankfully!

Rosie O’Donnell

I’ll have to admit, there was a time, long ago, when Rosie O’Donnell was actually relevant… and funny. She was a stand-up comedian in the late 1970s-early 1980s, and appeared on the reality show “Star Search,” which was sort of the 1980s answer to “America’s Got Talent.” Since then, however, O’Donnell’s career, and talent, has gone downhill. She hosted a popular daytime television program in the 1990s. Then she began to slowly, gradually morph from the “Queen of Nice” into the “Queen of Mean.” Now, O’Donnell is seen as a militant, anti-gun lesbian who rarely has a smile on her face.

Rush Limbaugh

Conservative radio host, prescription drug addict, author… this no-talent windbag has done it all. Rush Limbaugh has embarrassed himself (apparently not enough) and his listeners through some of his thoughtless antics, such as the time he made fun of Michael J. Fox for his twitchy Parkinson’s movements, saying he was exaggerating his disease (which was not true); the parody of “Puff the Magic Dragon” he came up with entitled “Barack the Magic Negro;” and his calling soldiers who criticize the war “phony soldiers.” Someone needs to stop this waste of space from ever opening his mouth publicly again.

Justin Bieber

He sings a song called “Baby,” and looks like a baby… how appropriate. This untalented Canadian teenager took the pre-teen world by storm in 2008 when he was accidentally discovered online. Too bad the person who discovered Justin Bieber didn’t just leave him there to flounder on the Internet. Instead, now we’re treated to that song day and night, because if you hear it during the day, against your better judgment you find yourself humming it in your head in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep. His voice is more effective than No-Doz at keeping you awake in the middle of the night! Guess that might be his talent, after all.

Tom Cruise

Like any red-blooded heterosexual female, I must admit that there was a time in the 1980s and early 1990s when I thought Tom Cruise was a sexy young actor. He didn’t have the greatest acting talent, as he’s been nominated for acting awards but has never won. My problem with Cruise started when he publicly criticized Brooke Shields for using an antidepressant following the birth of her first child, and claimed that there was no such thing as a “chemical imbalance.” Then, of course, he did that whole weird thing on the “Oprah Winfrey Show” when he jumped up and down on her couch gushing about his love for Katie Holmes. This guy has gone from being a hot commodity to a cold, opinionated, strange, unappealing bore.

Sarah Silverman

Is there a female comedienne today who is less funny than Sarah Silverman? I’ve never seen the appeal of this waste of time and space. Not only is she unfunny, she’s also been accused of bigotry against Asians and blacks, and, in a documentary, accused radio/TV host Joe Franklin of raping her. Even though it was said in “jest,” apparently Franklin didn’t take it that way, as he considered suing her for her remarks. He finally said, “the best thing I could do is get Sarah better writers so she’d have funnier material.” I couldn’t agree more, Joe.

Victoria Beckham

Once she was a Spice Girl, now she’s the wife of a hunky soccer star. Why, pray tell, is she still famous? Even when the Spice Girls were big, they weren’t all that talented. Victoria Beckham herself admits to having no talent, telling Elle magazine, “It became very obvious from the start that I was never going to be the best singer or the best dancer or the best actress. I was never a ‘natural.’ You know, I’ve never been that good at anything, to be completely honest.” Finally, an untalented celebrity who recognizes the fact that she’s a waste of space!

Jesse James

Reality television stars are people who should never have been celebrities in the first place, but for some unknown reason, they were given their own television programs and many of them became huge stars. James didn’t really fall into that category, although I suppose his shows “Monster Garage” and “Motorcycle Mania” appealed to a certain segment of the viewing public. No, James achieved the most fame for something far worse: cheating on his wife, actress Sandra Bullock. He’s the worst type of celebrity, the type who becomes famous from hurting others. Let’s hope James fades back into the woodwork now that he and Bullock are kaput, but don’t count on it – another so-called reality television “star,” Kat Von D, is claiming to be dating him. What a way for two talentless media whores to stay in the limelight.